Difficult relationships – they are a part and parcel of our lives. The challenges that we face in our relationships – whether it is with our parents, children, partners, extended families, bosses & colleagues, or with our friends – happen mostly to teach us something or take us out of our comfort zones. Most people, when they experience difficulties in their relationships, generally turn to a relationships counsellor or therapist. Yes, a visit to the counsellor or therapist definitely helps both partners talk through their problems or for distraught parents to connect again with their children. But did you know that if you have a difficult relationship, a visit to the homeopath might just be as worthwhile? But before I talk about homeopathy, let’s take a brief look at what we call problems in our relationships.
Problems, problems, problems
“She does not understand me.”
“The kids throw a fit every time I open my mouth.”
“My husband is married to his job.”
“My mother-in-law drives me nuts.”
…and the list goes on.
Whenever there is a problem, what do we do? The first thing we all do subconsciously is to find someone to push the blame on.
We want everyone else to hear and understand us. We want everyone to love and support us. We look outside of ourselves for that ideal, perfect relationship, without even considering that we need to connect with and love ourselves first before anyone else can.
How Homeopathy Can Help
And this is where your homeopath can come in. By prescribing a remedy that matches your energetic state at that moment, the homeopath can set you off on your personal journey where you are able to connect with yourself. Make no mistakes. The remedies do not make your problems disappear or take away the stresses in your relationships. What they do is to help clear the cloud and promote clarity in your thinking so that you are able to make decisions in a better state of mind.
The way a homeopathic consultation is carried out also helps clients think about their problems from a completely different perspective. The homeopathic interview is structured around questions that bring out the subtler aspects of a person’s consciousness, with the main aim being to identify the trigger points of the individual. This is helpful because often, the people we see are not even aware about what is triggering their problems. They simply start off the consultation by saying something vague along the lines of “I’m having trouble sleeping” or “My husband and I are at our wits end”.
Through careful enquiry, it may emerge that the seeds of the problems were sown in early childhood. A woman whose partner is pulling in long hours at work may complain that she is neglected or that he does not love her anymore. But, the problem could simply be her own self-esteem issues and the internal dialogue that she is creating as a result of her low self-esteem. Typical questions for such a case during a homeopathic interview would include:
“Why do you say he does not love you?”
“What is your idea of love?”
“Describe your idea of an ideal relationship.”
Answers to this will give the homeopath an idea about the client’s childhood patterns and the relationships forged in the growing up years, besides opening up the window to her personality traits.
Self-esteem is a very important point of discussion in the topic of relationships. People with low self-esteem tend to face difficulty in their relationships because of their inability to manage healthy boundaries or limits with others. Since they are operating under blurred boundary lines, they lose themselves in their relationships because they are very tuned in to what the other person thinks, feels or acts towards them. Rejection or approval from others is what determines how they view themselves. And this is surely a cause for problems in any relationship.
A case example
A couple of years back, I saw a lady who was living in a joint-family setup with her in-laws, which is a very common practice in Asia, where I grew up. She felt that her husband was not standing up for her if differences in opinions arose with her in-laws. Often, she swallowed all her anger and frustration because getting into arguments was not in her nature. She had very frequent urinary tract infections (UTI), which was the reason why she had come for homeopathic treatment in the first place. Literally, she was “pissed off”. Her constitution, physical ailments and life situations led me to prescribe the remedy Staphysagria, which is a very common remedy amongst individuals who feel that they have suppressed their emotions for a long time.
When she came back for her follow-up, I was fascinated by what she had to say! She had told her husband that they had to move out and live by themselves – and she did not care what her in-laws had to say. For many, this step may not seem like such a big deal. But for this lady, it was a bold step, keeping in mind her culture and upbringing. It was the first time in her life that she was able to assert herself. She felt that she needed to do something to establish her personal space. Surprisingly, she did not even mention the UTI until I enquired about it. Over the course of six months, with several repetitions of Staphysagria in higher doses, her problems with UTI were resolved completely and she felt that she was more in touch with her own needs.
This case beautifully sums up how homeopathy can help in connecting with our own self. For this lady, the homeopathic remedy cleared the energy block that was preventing her from standing up for herself. She was able to work on her family relationships by deciding to give herself and her husband a separate space for themselves, a step that she was not able to take prior to the remedy.
Skeptics of homeopathy might argue that if she had seen a counsellor or therapist, the outcome would have been the same. Yes, agreed. But in her case, it was homeopathy that did the trick – the same remedy cleared the emotional block as well as the UTI! When homeopaths speak of constitutional prescribing, this is exactly what we mean. We don’t treat each symptom in isolation but address the whole being because it is our thoughts and emotions that cause our physical problems.
On a closing note, the following are some practical tips that may help you overcome some of the challenges you face in your relationships.
- Talk to each other – just because you love each other does not mean you will be able to communicate well or can read your partner’s mind, or that they can read yours. Don’t play guesswork.
- If you have something to bring up, do it gently – going on the attack rarely gets you what you want. Before saying anything, take a deep breath. It will give you a moment to compose and gather your thoughts.
- Listen to each other – often we are so busy defending ourselves that we don’t hear what our partner is saying. Let your partner know that you have heard them before you give them your response.
- Remember the positives about your partner – this helps protect your relationship. One critical comment needs five positive comments to counteract its effect. Think carefully before saying what’s on your mind.
- Make repair attempts – if your attempts to talk about an issue don’t go as planned, try not to let the situation become even more negative (such as not talking for extended periods or ignoring the other person’s attempts). Saying sorry or touching your partner in a caring manner shows you care, even though you disagree.
- Spend time together – make your relationship a priority and make time for each other, even if you have to book it in. Regular ‘deposits in your relationship bank account’ will help protect your relationship.
- Work on feeling good about yourself – this will help the way you feel about your relationship.
- Everyone is different – accept and value differences in others, including your partner. We often choose people who have qualities and abilities we would like more of. This is one of the reasons why our relationships offer us significant opportunities to grow and develop as people. Remind yourself of this.
In my next post, I will discuss another facet of relationships – the one that makes us pull our hair out – the infamous parent-child dynamic.
Till then, if you would like to read more about relationships, partnerships and how homeopathy can help, the clinic has copies on sale of “A Homeopathic Guide to Partnerships and Compatibility” by Liz Lalor, which can give you an insight on your personality type and finding love.